The worlds quickest dinner... Smoked Salmon and Prawn Tagliatelle

I'm not entirely sure if this is the quickest recipe in the world but it's certainly the quickest and easiest thing I make. It's not even really worth blogging except I a) haven't blogged anything in a while and b) it's so ridiculously easy to make whilst being classy enough to impress. If you're shit at cooking and have a woman/man/parents to impress I feel like I may actually be doing someone somewhere a service. As such I will write this as directed to a man who can't cook desperately trying to save his relationship after a huge row. No need to thank me bitch. It's also pretty cheap to make.

It also happens to be one of the Baconators favourite things so if she needs cheering up or whatever it's good enough to earn me instant brownie points with no effort what so ever. And these little tricks are important in a relationship.

Ingredients

Fresh egg tagliatelle (buy it from the supermarket. Who the fuck has time to make pasta? If you do, then by all means go ahead, you smug bastard. I'm sure she's perfectly happy to watch you make a twat of yourself with that pasta roller you were given 2 years ago that you keep in a dusty box on top of the freeze. Asshole.)
Smoked Salmon trimmings (about a quid a pack in the fish section)
Frozen prawns
Creme Fraiche
Fresh Dill (dried will do but fresh is better. You cheap fuck. I bet that's why she's mad at you.)
Lemon Juice

What to do

Defrost the prawns first. Idiot. Properly defrost them cos they're not getting cooked. What do you want to make her ill or something? That's not the plan here. She already hates you. Don't make it worse. She can't even stand to look at you and she's probably questioning why she's here right now...


Done it? Good.

Get a bowl chuck in the salmon and prawns. Make sure you break up the salmon. Chop a handful of dill and mix that in. Then add a liberal splash of lemon juice. Leave for at least half an hour.

Boil a saucepan of water (with a pinch of salt. What are you complaining it's not on the ingredients list? Fuck you everyone has salt. Never the wonder she's mad at you). Add the Tagliatelle. Cook for about 4 mins or however long it says on the packet. You should know it's done when it floats to the top.

Drain the pasta and take the pan off the heat. Put the pasta back in and add the prawns and salmon. Add 2 or 3 table spoons of creme fraiche and some more chopped dill. Stir and serve. You can even garnish it with a sprig of fresh dill.

If you fuck that up she probably should leave you.