Lamb breast. Make that shit classy

Shakey cam

So a quick disclaimer before I start this one. I have been drinking. I know. Shock.

Right with that out of the way. I thought I'd put this up because I need to remember it and I pulled a fucking blinder as I was winging this one and it came off. Plus it's complicated as fuck.

Ingredients (for 2)

For the Lamb

Lamb breast, rolled and small (like you get at the supermarket knocked down for £2)

1/2 red onion

2 carrots

4 cloves of garlic

about a large glass of red wine

1 measure of gin

1 measure of blackberry and elderflower pimms (neither this or the gin is essential but it makes a great difference)

Hand full of fresh mint and rosemary.

A slow cooker or a casserole and an oven on a low temp. 

For the reduction

2 Glasses of red wine

1tsp of Blackberry (or similar dark tart fruit) jam

The other half of the red onion (please tell me you kept it)

1 clove garlic

Fresh rosemary & mint

The stock from braising the lamb (I will explain later)

For the Blue cheese Gratin

2 Large white potatoes

100ml double cream

milk

butter 

flour

Creamy blue cheese (The Castello stuff is the shit)

How?!

Firstly I must acknowledge this from "The Skint Foodie" for the suggestion of braising first (and the entire basis of the recipe) http://www.theskintfoodie.com/1/post/2012/09/slow-cooked-breast-of-lamb-and-a-couple-of-bowls-of-ribs.html. Do check it out as their recipe is probably better than mine but it kicked me off.

Trim the lamb breast as much as possible. Shit is fatty and the more you get off the better. Season with salt and pepper and if you are a huge wild garlic fanboy like me your dried wild garlic that you foraged in the spring.

Chop your half an onion and the carrots roughly. You aren't going to eat them so who gives a shit what they look like. Smash the garlic cloves as well. Just smash them up. Fuck 'em.

In a casserole or your slow cooker pan (which is what I used) heat a little oil and brown off the carrots, onions and garlic. Then add the alcohol, reduce the wine first then add the fruitier spirits once the wine is mostly gone (you want to infuse the fruitiness in the braising process). Chuck your fresh herbs on top. Place the herbs on top and then rest the lamb on top of them. Braise on a high heat in the slow cooker for about 3 hours. If you have a casserole you're on your own. Experiment? Or check out the superior skintfoodie blog.

Leave for about 3 hours.

Jam out a few tunes and drink some beer.

After 3 hours take the lamb out, wrap in foil and leave it to rest. Strain the liquid through a sieve and leave it out too.

Go to the pub for an hour or 2.  

When you get back heat the oven to about 200 Celsius and start skimming the fat off the liquid. 

Slice the Potatoes as thin as you can (however thin you're thinking...thinner). These potatoes are hard as balls to cook so all I can recommend is precise paper thin slicing. Mine were slightly undercooked tonight and I sliced them as thin as I could until I got bored (I have adjusted the recipe to compensate). 

Make a small amount of basic white sauce, about 100ml (milk, butter, flour and if you can't do that you've come to the wrong place).  Add the cheese to melt into it leaving enough to top it and gradually add the cream while whisking. Leave a little cream.

Place the potatoes in a small oven dish in layers, adding enough sauce to cover each layer. When you get to the top layer cover in cream and the left over cheese. Put it in the oven, it will take longer than you think to cook. 

After about 30 minutes put the lamb (still wrapped in foil) in the oven. It will need about 2 hours in total. After about 45mins open the foil partially. After an hour and a half open the foil completely. 

About 20 minutes before the lamb is done you can start the reduction. You need about half the mint and rosemary you used for the braising of the lamb for this. Chop the herbs and the onion as fine as you possibly can. Heat oil in a deep frying pan and soften. Add the wine and allow it to reduce. Add the stock gradually to maintain the viscosity of the reduction. Stir in the jam to sweeten and add thickness (I know, its a delicate balancing act). You should end up with a thick and yet runny sauce with a deep red, almost purple colour. The best description I can offer at this time is like a dipping sauce. It's hard to describe how to make a wine reduction when drinking 12 Y/O McCallan at 1am. 

Right in the middle of making the reduction (about 10 mins before you're done) take the lamb out to rest. Take the potatoes out right before serving. They should be browning on top but not burnt. If they are that's your fault you should have been paying attention you fucking windsock.

Carve the lamb into slices about an inch thick and serve with the reduction on top.

No I was't sober when I took this asshole.

The beauty of this is lamb breast is the cheapest cut of lamb and if you buy smart the whole meal works as a classy meal for 2 for less that a fiver. So fuck off Marks & Spencer.

You quims...

A nice quick summer pork steak recipe

Pork steaks make a nice simple and cheap dinner. But they can also be a bit boring. I like this recipe because I get to use my new griddle which I can't stop using at the moment (thank you Baconator) and it uses a lot of fresh herbs which are growing out of control this summer. I'm just gonna talk about the pork today, the potatoes are already on an early blog post and the lentils are just cooked in stock. Work it out yourself they're not difficult.

Steaks like this are great in the summer, as anything citrus and herby is. With potatoes like these it makes a nice simple Iberian style dinner for a sunny evening.

Ingredients

Pork Steaks
Half a lemon
Handful of fresh Thyme and fresh Sage
1 Clove of Garlic
Olive oil

Instructions

Finely chop the herbs as you would if you were making pesto (which you pretty much are) and place into a mixing bowl. Crush the garlic and Zest the lemon and combine with the herbs. I actually use dried wild garlic which I blogged about earlier this year, but you're not going to get that in the shops and bulb garlic will do.
Squeeze in the lemon juice from the half of the lemon and add a small splash of Olive oil (about a teaspoon or less). Mix it so that it takes on a similar consistency to regular pesto.
Season the pork on both sides with Salt and Pepper and then spread the pesto over the the pork steaks. Leave to rest for about an hour.

Heat a griddle pan (if you have one) until its steaming hot, enough to fry steak obviously. The great thing about griddle's is you don't need oil so you get less fat in it. It also holds moisture beautifully and I can't recommend getting one enough, especially if you like good steak. If you don't have one, heat a little oil in a regular pan. Fry for about 3 minutes on each side.

That's literally it. What else do you want from me?

The worlds quickest dinner... Smoked Salmon and Prawn Tagliatelle

I'm not entirely sure if this is the quickest recipe in the world but it's certainly the quickest and easiest thing I make. It's not even really worth blogging except I a) haven't blogged anything in a while and b) it's so ridiculously easy to make whilst being classy enough to impress. If you're shit at cooking and have a woman/man/parents to impress I feel like I may actually be doing someone somewhere a service. As such I will write this as directed to a man who can't cook desperately trying to save his relationship after a huge row. No need to thank me bitch. It's also pretty cheap to make.

It also happens to be one of the Baconators favourite things so if she needs cheering up or whatever it's good enough to earn me instant brownie points with no effort what so ever. And these little tricks are important in a relationship.

Ingredients

Fresh egg tagliatelle (buy it from the supermarket. Who the fuck has time to make pasta? If you do, then by all means go ahead, you smug bastard. I'm sure she's perfectly happy to watch you make a twat of yourself with that pasta roller you were given 2 years ago that you keep in a dusty box on top of the freeze. Asshole.)
Smoked Salmon trimmings (about a quid a pack in the fish section)
Frozen prawns
Creme Fraiche
Fresh Dill (dried will do but fresh is better. You cheap fuck. I bet that's why she's mad at you.)
Lemon Juice

What to do

Defrost the prawns first. Idiot. Properly defrost them cos they're not getting cooked. What do you want to make her ill or something? That's not the plan here. She already hates you. Don't make it worse. She can't even stand to look at you and she's probably questioning why she's here right now...


Done it? Good.

Get a bowl chuck in the salmon and prawns. Make sure you break up the salmon. Chop a handful of dill and mix that in. Then add a liberal splash of lemon juice. Leave for at least half an hour.

Boil a saucepan of water (with a pinch of salt. What are you complaining it's not on the ingredients list? Fuck you everyone has salt. Never the wonder she's mad at you). Add the Tagliatelle. Cook for about 4 mins or however long it says on the packet. You should know it's done when it floats to the top.

Drain the pasta and take the pan off the heat. Put the pasta back in and add the prawns and salmon. Add 2 or 3 table spoons of creme fraiche and some more chopped dill. Stir and serve. You can even garnish it with a sprig of fresh dill.

If you fuck that up she probably should leave you.

Rotisserie Chicken and an ode to wild garlic...

Two posts in as many days is a lot for me and I'm certainly not looking to make a habit of it but I wanted to get this recipe down and also evangelise a little in a slightly Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall manner, as dirty as it makes me feel.

Your name is stupid

Firstly I'm incredibly lucky in that when I moved into my flat last year it had 2 ovens. As it turned out the old one that was slightly falling apart had a rotisserie feature. I wont lie. This caused some mild arousal.

This was the first image that came up when I googled Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall aroused. I am saying nothing.

Secondly I've been wanting to blog for a little while about wild garlic. Where I'm from in Somerset between March and May there is a fantastic amount of the stuff and it really is one of the best ingredients in the country, especially considering its relative abundance around bridle ways and old droving lanes in the South West. The late spring this year meant that when I went home a couple of weeks ago there it was still in full swing. I'm also going back next weekend and if I'm lucky it wont have gone over. I even managed to dig up a few bulbs to plant in my own, incredibly sheltered and sunlight free garden. This is usually a curse but wild garlic loves these conditions. And yes I know its frowned upon, even a little illegal to pick wild flowers but come on. This shit is EVERYFUCKINGWHERE.

Pictured: Wild Garlic EVERYFUCKINGWHERE

In short no one is going to miss a bulb or 2. 

The other great thing about it (apart from its relative abundance) is that you can use the whole plant. The leaves are great in salads, or chopped up into a risotto. The stems are great for dressings or as a milder substitute for garlic bulbs. I used it in a variety of things over the past 2 weeks but in order to preserve it I also dried it, on a low heat in the over for several hours, before grinding it up and storing it in an empty herb shaker. I also made some fantastic wild garlic and thyme butter, which I did by chopping it in the food processor with some fresh thyme and soft butter. I then made it into a log, wrapped it in baking paper and froze it. 

That brings us neatly on to the recipe. Incidentally shortly after I started writing this I realised it's impossible to describe preparing a chicken without it becoming weird. I suggest putting on some Marvin Gaye to balance the mood.

Ingredients

1 Whole Chicken

Garlic Butter (you can also make this by mixing a few garlic cloves and herbs, thyme and rosemary being the most common choice, with butter)

A rub for the skin made of ground salt, pepper, garlic granules, thyme and some paprika for colour.

5 or 6 halved shallots and 3 or 4 garlic cloves to go inside the chicken

Vegetable oil

Method

Firstly you're going to have to get slightly more intimate with a chicken than a lot of people like to. Not quite Hugh FW levels of intimate but still...

Pull the skin at the neck or arse end (ladies choice) away from the flesh on the breasts so that you can get a few fingers between the skin and the meat. Then get some of that garlic butter in and really spread it out. If you get it under the skin in one blob you can usually massage the skin to spread it out if you're too squeamish to get right in there. But then you are massaging a dead chicken. You fucking perv.

As well as helping you to explore some of the darker corners of your sexuality the butter will also help the skin to crisp from underneath as well as keeping the meat moist. Please stop me if you feel faint Mary Whitehouse.

Make a small slit at the top of each thigh and do the same as you did with the breasts.

Take a long shower if this has gotten too weird for you.

Insert the shallots and garlic bulbs into the chicken, the arse end will give you best access. 

Take another shower.

Rub the skin with the rub, all over, you might as well now you've done worse. Leave it for half an hour to let the skin dry and so you can think about what you've done.

Now you'll need to insert the spit. Make sure the blades dig into the breasts at the top end as deeply as possible, it will probably slip when its cooking and you'll have to adjust it but the deeper it gets into the flesh the less often you'll have to do it. I also recommend tying the legs and wings tightly to the body. If they flop around while it rotates it will come loose. Now drizzle it with oil and fit it into the oven.

Have another shower.

Switch on the grill at a high to medium heat and start it rotating. You can pretty much leave it to it now for about 2-3hours, coming back to baste it every 15-20minutes. 

I have to confess I actually left it too long this evening as I was distracted by alcohol and the veg and it started falling apart a little. Still when it's done you should be left with some lovely, tasty, crispy skin and tasty herby/garlicy meat.

I'm off for another shower. But finally a beautiful shot of my old walk to the pub in the middle of spring. Covered in wild garlic.

Everyone knows General Tso's Chicken...

Apologies to South Park for ripping off their joke (as I did with Archer in my last post, I sense a pattern).

Anyway this is a slightly modified version of the classic General Tso recipe, as Bacon doesn't like anything too spicy, so this is a milder version that's a bit more of a sweet and sour recipe. It's also a lot more complicated than other recipes I've posted on here so I wouldn't dive into this one if you're a novice. It involves a lot of different cooking techniques and a lot of tasting.

This is the first recipe I ever wrote down. Unfortunately I lost it, which is what persuaded me to create this blog. If the internet looks after it for me then I don't have to worry. Thanks internet. Thinternet.

BUY THESE THINGS TO MAKE YUMMY FOOD

FOR THE CHICKEN
Chicken (breasts or thighs, I used breasts tonight and 2 is probably enough for 2 people)
Eggs (1 egg for 2 chicken breasts)
Tonic Water
Cornflour
Ground Star anise, Coriander, Mustard seeds & ginger (I also like a little ground cinnamon in it)*
Onion Salt, Garlic Granules, paprika, Salt & Pepper*

Incidentally if Asda feel like sponsoring a blog I'm poor and apparently am advertising their shit for free.

*Alternatively you can use one of these seasoning mixes and 5 spice

And a LOT of vegetable oil. Get one of the big bottles, you can reuse the oil after you use it. 

FOR THE SAUCE
Spring Onions
Granulated Sugar
Tomato Puree
Umami Paste (this stuff is great, but a bit of lea and perrins and/or fish sauce will also do the job, however this might leave the sauce a little thin so you may want some cornflour to thicken)
Rice Vinegar
Chinkiang Vinegar (this is also really good for chinese sauces, keep an eye out for it)
Soy Sauce
white wine
Minced Garlic (4 cloves)
Minced Ginger
Tomato Ketchup (this is a massive, but useful cheat)

Also veg. A carrot, half an onion and a red pepper will probably do it. I'm also incredibly fond of Chinese stir fry veg. In particular water chestnuts. I also used baby sweetcorn tonight.

FOR THE EGG FRIED RICE
Rice (I use brown rice for everything but white rice is stickier and probably better for this)
1 egg
Spring onions
Frozen peas

Follow these instructions

You'll probably want to start by cooking the rice. The reason for this is that the colder and dryer it is when you come to stir fry it the better the rice will crisp up and that's what you're aiming for. If you like do it the night before and put it in the fridge.

Next the sauce. Finely chop the onions and mince the garlic and ginger. Pour about 1/4 cup of granulated into a bowl. Chuck in the onions, garlic and ginger and about 2 tablespoons of tomato puree and 2 teaspoons of umami paste. Add a generous splash of rice vinegar, a small splash of chinkiang vinegar and soy sauce and about half a glass of white wine. Mix it all up. It should taste pretty damn good already. But you might need to bulk it out a little and the tomato ketchup does this job well and keeps the consistency about right. About 2 or 3 tablespoons should be enough.

Now set the sauce to one side. Chop the chicken into 1-2 inch cubes. Put them to one side as well while you make the batter. Put about a cup and a half of cornflour into a bowl along with the seasoning. Beat in an egg and gradually add the tonic water a little at the time until you have a relatively smooth batter that is thick enough to cling to the chicken. Add the chicken and coat it evenly.

Get a wok and half fill it with vegetable oil. If you've got a deep fat fryer that's great and you should probably turn it on. And then go and have a good think about why you've got a fucking deep fat fryer in your fucking house. Normal people can put the wok on a high heat. Be careful because cooking with hot oil in these volumes is a bit on the dodgy side.

Once the oil is hot you can start adding the chicken. Fry for about 2 minutes in small batches of 5 or so pieces. With each batch you might want to check one to see how its cooked and then adjust cooking times accordingly depending on your kit etc. Once fried place the chicken on kitchen towel to absorb as much excess oil as possible. While you're frying the chicken you can also prepare the veg.
Once it's all fried you may find you have some excess batter. I chopped up the other half of the onion, added some more plain flour to the batter to thicken it and made some onion pakoras (or bhajis as they're usually known although I'm lead to believe this is incorrect terminology).

with the baconators xmas chutney that she made for hampers last year

Get another wok or large pan and heat up a splash of oil and start frying the veg. Once the onion has softened add the chicken and the sauce. Set on a low heat with a lid on it and simmer it. 

Now for the egg fried rice. Beat an egg with a splash of soy sauce. Microwave the peas for a couple of minutes until cooked and chop up a couple of spring onions. Get another Wok (I don't imagine you have 3, I've got 2 and I think that's excessive) or a frying pan and heat a splash of oil. Add the onions and then the rice and peas. Stir fry for a couple of minutes until the rice starts to crisp up nicely. Stir in the egg and continue to stir fry for another couple of minutes. 

And that's it, ready to serve. I've done this for about 6 or 7 people in the past and it's just as easy to do in large quantities, just increase the ingredients accordingly.

I'm doing a rotisserie chicken tomorrow, so I might even blog that as well. Just to show off the fact that I have a rotisserie oven.

I call him Fist-burger Roboto...

I asked the Baconator what she wanted for dinner and she said a massive burger. So I made one. The size of her fist.

I actually made these last week but I didn't take a picture so I didn't blog it. As a result my memory of what exactly I put in them is slightly vague but I'll do my best. The ones I photographed were frozen last weekend when I made them. Which proves they can be frozen.

Shit you need:

Makes 4 burgers

500g minced beef
Half an onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, minced
Fish Sauce
Worcester Sauce
Beef Stock cube (ground)
Onion Salt
Rosemary (or other seasoning)
1/4-1/2 cup of plain flour

MOTHER FUCKING FOOD PROCESSOR

How its done:
Feed in the beef into the food processor along with the onions and garlic about a quarter at a time, giving it a wiz and taking it out once its mixed, unless you have a huge food processor and you can fit it all in at once. I really have to say this is much better done with a food processor. If you don't have one your kitchen is incomplete. If you don't have one you may need to add an egg to help it bind later.
Once its mostly ground add the onion salt, stock cube and seasoning. Mix again adding a decent splash of Worcester sauce and Fish Sauce. You do not have to add the flour if it appears to be holding together relatively well or bulky enough. It really depends on the mince you have and the food processor. And how finely you chopped the onion.
Mold the mix into 4 patties (or 8 if you want normal baby sized burgers). Here's a good trick. Make an indent about a cm deep in the middle with your thumb. This will make the burgers come out flatter when you cook them as they tend to rise in the middle.

I'd actually recommend cooking these in a hot oven (about 200 celcius) on a baking tray rather than baking them. This will ensure burgers of this size will cook right through. I made some wedges with them so I already had a hot oven ready to go. Cook for about 15 minutes. I did them with Stilton, which is awesome and you can see them in the pictures.
They are a bit filling and I just ate one so I need a meat nap. Blog out.

Quick one: Nicoise salad

I'm gonna do this every so often, just a quick post to jot a recipe down.

Salads are great and not at all gay. Well okay they're a bit gay. And I eat a lot of them at the moment (salads not homosexuals). This one is good for a main meal as its also nice and filling. Also the Baconator likes anchovies and its got like... anchovies in it...

STUFF TO GO IN SALAD
New Potatoes
3 hard boiled eggs
SALAD LEAFTHSSSSS
Anchovies in oil (either tinned or in a jar)
Spring onions
Beans (what ever kind you like, or sugar snap peas are good as well)
Cucumber
Lemon Juice
Olive Oil

Method
Slice the new potatoes so they're about 2cm thick and steam for about 15 minutes. I did green beans as well (chop em up first), steam them till they're firm but tender. It's a good time to boil the eggs as well.
Chuck all the salad leaves in a large mixing bowl/salad bowl. Chop the onions and cucumber and chuck it in with the potatoes and whatever beans your using (I also used broad beans). Fresh chives are also nice but I don't have any at the moment because in spite of the clocks already going forward it's still fucking winter. Toss it all up together.
Peel the eggs. Slice the eggs into quarters or eighths or whatever. You can go with halves like you get with the shitty tinned tuna Nicoise salad that you buy from tesco but they only do that to make it look slightly less like partially digested cat food thrown up on a lawn by your obese cat who you might as well have named Mr Fucking Creosote such is it's lack of restraint with food. Smaller slices will spread through the salad more and pick up more of the flavour from the dressing and the anchovies (more surface area, Science Bitches). So do small slices.

Chop up about half a tin/jar of anchovy fillets and toss them in the salad too. Take 3 or 4 fillets and chop them really finely, as fine as you possibly can, cos they're going in the dressing. Put them in whatever little bowl you're making your dressing in. Pour in a little of the oil from the tin/jar as that will be nice and fishy. Then add some olive oil. At this point I like to add a little white balsamic vinegar just to give it a little sweetness, but I understand that not everyone has that in their kitchen. Its not essential. Then a splash or 2 of lemon juice. Mix it up with a spoon. Pour it over the salad and once again toss the salad. You'll notice due to a little thing called gravity most of the leaves are on the top and the potatoes etc are underneath. This is good as it makes it easier to serve and the eggs, beans and potatoes will be better covered by dressing, especially if you leave it for 10 minutes.
Serve up the salad, leaves first, then spooning the rest on top. Chuck a couple of whole anchovy fillets on top for looks. Then you're done.

Pork and Beaayyynnnssss

Tonight I was doing an iteration of a dish that I do quite regularly so I thought it'd be good to write it down so I could look back at it and see how I've improved/ruined it. Although the title says pork and beans (in a stupid way that only clarifies how to sound like an idiot when you say it) this is really all about the potatoes.

The idea for them was stolen from dinner at an Iberian restaurant that I took the Baconator to for her birthday. I liked the potatoes, so I tried it at home and I think got them right.  

The pork is another little interesting trick I like. Which is Jam. Jam is a great little ingredient that I like to use sparingly from time to time as the sweetness and the flavour of the fruit always stands out.

Anyway I'm being boring... TO THE RECIPE!!!!

Shit you need: (serves 2)

2 Pork loin steaks

Herbs de provence

Salt & Pepper

New Potatoes 

Vegetable/pork/chicken stock (half a pint=half a cube)

optional extras:

Flageolet/Cannelini/Haricot Beans (Recommended) 

Fine Green beans

White wine (for cooking, but its also pretty good for drinking I've heard)

Method:

Slice new potatoes about 2cm thick. These must be new potatoes I cannot stress that enough. White potatoes, Maris Pipers or whatever else you might try to use will be be way too floury and will come apart and disintegrate into shit. If you try to act like a cheap smart-arse and ignore this I will sleep with your mother and never call her. So don't. You cretin. 

If you've gone with the green beans chop these up too. Again chop into sections about 2cm long.

Place the potatoes across the bottom of a flat bottomed frying pan, not a wok and not a saucepan. Pour in the stock (I tend to go with vegetable stock for this. Pork is nice but maybe a bit too salty, chicken is alright) so it just covers the potatoes, cover with a lid and turn on the heat. Leave the lid on for about 5 minutes.

Season the pork steaks with a little salt & pepper and whatever herbs you fancy. I've listed herbs de provence as the herbs in that mix are mostly ideal. Herb mixes are also often a good way of saving money & kitchen space as you're basically getting 3 or 4 herbs for one.

Take the lid off the potatoes and season them as well. Oregano, Marjoram, Rosemary & Thyme work well. But really, just go with whatever you put on the pork because you like that...don't you...yeah...?

After about 10 minutes you might want to turn the heat down a tad if too much of the liquid has already boiled off and they're still very firm. Once the potatoes begin to soften add the beans (if you're using them). I went with Flageolet because they keep their firmness but are a little floury. Also cos I like saying Flageolet. Flageolet. Anyway...

When the stock has really started to reduce down and the potatoes are nearly cooked heat up some olive oil in another frying pan over a relatively high heat. Chuck in the pork steaks and give them about a minute on each side. Now for the jam. For this I used a homemade apple and chilli jelly which is perfect for pork and made by my folks back in the shire. I have a feeling an apricot or victoria plum jelly would work quite well too. Whatever the case it needs to be light (no blackcurrants etc) and a jelly (no bits).

Spread about a teaspoon over each steak to glaze it. Turn it quickly to get it to cover both sides. You'll then need to unstick the pan. You can use water if you're a boring pussy (makes sure the pans really hot and chuck a splash in). Alternatively a splash of white wine will do the job a lot better and, if the pan is hot enough and you have a gas hob, you can give it a little flame which will have the added bonus of caramelising the sugar giving the steaks a nice tasty colour. 

mmmmm brown.

By this point the stock should have reduced off, the potatoes and beans should be cooked. They might begin to stick to the bottom of the pan a bit so you might need a spatula to unstick a few of them. But really you should have been keeping an eye on them. Dickhead. 

Serve it up. As you can see from the pictures I did it with cabbage and broccoli. Cos I had some in the fridge and it needed using. With the potatoes, beans etc it's probably filling enough that you don't need anything extra. Fatty. Try a salad.

'alf a fish

I'm a big fan of the bargain sell-by date yellow label knock down fridge at my local Asda. If I lived near some decent shops (grocer/butcher/fish monger) I'd much prefer that. But I don't. I live next to a petrol station an A road, a Motorway and a railway line. So I'm stuck with fucking Asda. Part of the Walmart family. I imagine it is a pretty shitty family.

So when asked what she fancied for dinner tonight the Baconator said fish. Fish is at the expensive end of the market so I literally only buy it if it's on yellow label. As luck would have it Asda had a massive fillet of salmon for £4.50. Fuck yeah.

This recipe is based on a cheaper estimation of a recipe my dad usually does on Christmas Eve. He does it a lot better. Although he also uses much more expensive ingredients. So without further ado here is my recipe for a baked side of salmon.

You will need

Salmon fillet (either get a big side of salmon or a few smaller fillets depending on who you're feeding).
1 Tomato
1 White Onion/a handful of shallots
Garlic
Dill/Chives (preferably fresh)
White wine
Lemon juice
Salt/Pepper (for seasoning)
Olive oil

Roasting tin.
Tin foil (a sheet twice the size of the roasting tin)

Method:

If you got a side of salmon like I did tonight cut that bitch in half. Place skin down and season with S&P and if you fancy, some dried dill and/or garlic powder (which I find is a nice touch).

Pre-heat the oven to about 200 Celsius. I think that's like gas mark 5 or 6.

Cut the Onion in half and slice one half of it (you can also use a couple of halved shallots or a couple of spring onions). A long with some fresh dill & garlic spread it out on the foil in the bottom of the roasting tin. Drizzle with a little oil. The fish will sit on this which will prevent it sticking to the foil if you forget about it.

Finely dice the rest of the onion(s). Mince about 6 cloves of garlic and chop up a few caper berries. Roughly chop the dill/herbs. Stick half the fish in the pan (skin down on top of the onions) and then smother the flesh with about half of the onion/garlic/caperb'/herb mix. Drizzle with a little oil, a splash of lemon juice and a splash of white wine.
Slice the Tomato and place over the top of the fillet. Then chuck the rest of mix on top before placing the other half of the fish on top. Pour over a little more wine & lemon juice and surround it with any left over fresh herbs (if you're anything like me you'll probably forget to use the fucking things anyway).

Fold over the rest of the foil and press the edges so it seals like a parcel.

Put it in the oven for about 20-30 minutes if you've just got a couple of small super market fillets give it an hour or so if you've got a whole side like I have tonight. When its cooked it should be a light, almost white pink, and flaky but still moist when its cooked.

Serve with new potatoes and fine beans. Or salad. Or something else. It's a free country.



I'm finishing this recipe off having just finished eating it. It was cracking and we've got enough left to freeze and have another night when I can't be arsed to cook.

All in all this is a pretty healthy recipe which is damned tasty, so worth having a go if you're dieting but want a bit of a treat (as I am at the moment).

Anyway tomorrow being St Patrick's day I'm making an Irish stew in my slow cooker. I'll be making it up as I go along so I might blog that too.

Now I'm one of those people who takes pictures of food and puts them on the internet too...

I bloody love cooking. Especially for myself. I know it sounds selfish but I've been a chef and cooking is no fun at all if you're putting a shit load of effort into it and then you don't to eat it. Whilst working unsociable hours. And then going home smelling of chips.

Since moving in with my other half (who henceforth shall be referred to as "the Baconator") I've really stepped up the amount of cooking and experimenting in the kitchen that I do. The Baconator loves to eat too and can't cook. So she washes up. Which is great.

I regularly find myself saying 'oh I should really start writing recipes down'. But I don't and so this blog is an effort to get theses recipes down. Also it's an opportunity to share ideas with friends. Last night for a friends birthday we went over for homemade burgers and my friend Chloe used a recipe that I sent her for my "'Chorizo' Burgers". They were even better than I'd made them before so the idea of sharing recipes has taken on a new appeal.

I tend to do everything by eye and tongue. Lots of taste testing and variation whilst cooking. So there will rarely be any measurements in recipes I post. If you're somebody who requires a recipe book to cook you might find these difficult to replicate. Best just take the general idea and experiment yourself. It's more fun that way anyway and you're likely to be able to make them even better (The Baconator is still quite fussy which can sometimes hold me back from adding certain ingredients).

I may post again tonight as I'm currently cooking a side of salmon. I'll also add up the "Chorizo" burger recipe at some point. Posts will be sporadic.