I call him Fist-burger Roboto...

I asked the Baconator what she wanted for dinner and she said a massive burger. So I made one. The size of her fist.

I actually made these last week but I didn't take a picture so I didn't blog it. As a result my memory of what exactly I put in them is slightly vague but I'll do my best. The ones I photographed were frozen last weekend when I made them. Which proves they can be frozen.

Shit you need:

Makes 4 burgers

500g minced beef
Half an onion, finely chopped
4 cloves of garlic, minced
Fish Sauce
Worcester Sauce
Beef Stock cube (ground)
Onion Salt
Rosemary (or other seasoning)
1/4-1/2 cup of plain flour

MOTHER FUCKING FOOD PROCESSOR

How its done:
Feed in the beef into the food processor along with the onions and garlic about a quarter at a time, giving it a wiz and taking it out once its mixed, unless you have a huge food processor and you can fit it all in at once. I really have to say this is much better done with a food processor. If you don't have one your kitchen is incomplete. If you don't have one you may need to add an egg to help it bind later.
Once its mostly ground add the onion salt, stock cube and seasoning. Mix again adding a decent splash of Worcester sauce and Fish Sauce. You do not have to add the flour if it appears to be holding together relatively well or bulky enough. It really depends on the mince you have and the food processor. And how finely you chopped the onion.
Mold the mix into 4 patties (or 8 if you want normal baby sized burgers). Here's a good trick. Make an indent about a cm deep in the middle with your thumb. This will make the burgers come out flatter when you cook them as they tend to rise in the middle.

I'd actually recommend cooking these in a hot oven (about 200 celcius) on a baking tray rather than baking them. This will ensure burgers of this size will cook right through. I made some wedges with them so I already had a hot oven ready to go. Cook for about 15 minutes. I did them with Stilton, which is awesome and you can see them in the pictures.
They are a bit filling and I just ate one so I need a meat nap. Blog out.

Quick one: Nicoise salad

I'm gonna do this every so often, just a quick post to jot a recipe down.

Salads are great and not at all gay. Well okay they're a bit gay. And I eat a lot of them at the moment (salads not homosexuals). This one is good for a main meal as its also nice and filling. Also the Baconator likes anchovies and its got like... anchovies in it...

STUFF TO GO IN SALAD
New Potatoes
3 hard boiled eggs
SALAD LEAFTHSSSSS
Anchovies in oil (either tinned or in a jar)
Spring onions
Beans (what ever kind you like, or sugar snap peas are good as well)
Cucumber
Lemon Juice
Olive Oil

Method
Slice the new potatoes so they're about 2cm thick and steam for about 15 minutes. I did green beans as well (chop em up first), steam them till they're firm but tender. It's a good time to boil the eggs as well.
Chuck all the salad leaves in a large mixing bowl/salad bowl. Chop the onions and cucumber and chuck it in with the potatoes and whatever beans your using (I also used broad beans). Fresh chives are also nice but I don't have any at the moment because in spite of the clocks already going forward it's still fucking winter. Toss it all up together.
Peel the eggs. Slice the eggs into quarters or eighths or whatever. You can go with halves like you get with the shitty tinned tuna Nicoise salad that you buy from tesco but they only do that to make it look slightly less like partially digested cat food thrown up on a lawn by your obese cat who you might as well have named Mr Fucking Creosote such is it's lack of restraint with food. Smaller slices will spread through the salad more and pick up more of the flavour from the dressing and the anchovies (more surface area, Science Bitches). So do small slices.

Chop up about half a tin/jar of anchovy fillets and toss them in the salad too. Take 3 or 4 fillets and chop them really finely, as fine as you possibly can, cos they're going in the dressing. Put them in whatever little bowl you're making your dressing in. Pour in a little of the oil from the tin/jar as that will be nice and fishy. Then add some olive oil. At this point I like to add a little white balsamic vinegar just to give it a little sweetness, but I understand that not everyone has that in their kitchen. Its not essential. Then a splash or 2 of lemon juice. Mix it up with a spoon. Pour it over the salad and once again toss the salad. You'll notice due to a little thing called gravity most of the leaves are on the top and the potatoes etc are underneath. This is good as it makes it easier to serve and the eggs, beans and potatoes will be better covered by dressing, especially if you leave it for 10 minutes.
Serve up the salad, leaves first, then spooning the rest on top. Chuck a couple of whole anchovy fillets on top for looks. Then you're done.

Pork and Beaayyynnnssss

Tonight I was doing an iteration of a dish that I do quite regularly so I thought it'd be good to write it down so I could look back at it and see how I've improved/ruined it. Although the title says pork and beans (in a stupid way that only clarifies how to sound like an idiot when you say it) this is really all about the potatoes.

The idea for them was stolen from dinner at an Iberian restaurant that I took the Baconator to for her birthday. I liked the potatoes, so I tried it at home and I think got them right.  

The pork is another little interesting trick I like. Which is Jam. Jam is a great little ingredient that I like to use sparingly from time to time as the sweetness and the flavour of the fruit always stands out.

Anyway I'm being boring... TO THE RECIPE!!!!

Shit you need: (serves 2)

2 Pork loin steaks

Herbs de provence

Salt & Pepper

New Potatoes 

Vegetable/pork/chicken stock (half a pint=half a cube)

optional extras:

Flageolet/Cannelini/Haricot Beans (Recommended) 

Fine Green beans

White wine (for cooking, but its also pretty good for drinking I've heard)

Method:

Slice new potatoes about 2cm thick. These must be new potatoes I cannot stress that enough. White potatoes, Maris Pipers or whatever else you might try to use will be be way too floury and will come apart and disintegrate into shit. If you try to act like a cheap smart-arse and ignore this I will sleep with your mother and never call her. So don't. You cretin. 

If you've gone with the green beans chop these up too. Again chop into sections about 2cm long.

Place the potatoes across the bottom of a flat bottomed frying pan, not a wok and not a saucepan. Pour in the stock (I tend to go with vegetable stock for this. Pork is nice but maybe a bit too salty, chicken is alright) so it just covers the potatoes, cover with a lid and turn on the heat. Leave the lid on for about 5 minutes.

Season the pork steaks with a little salt & pepper and whatever herbs you fancy. I've listed herbs de provence as the herbs in that mix are mostly ideal. Herb mixes are also often a good way of saving money & kitchen space as you're basically getting 3 or 4 herbs for one.

Take the lid off the potatoes and season them as well. Oregano, Marjoram, Rosemary & Thyme work well. But really, just go with whatever you put on the pork because you like that...don't you...yeah...?

After about 10 minutes you might want to turn the heat down a tad if too much of the liquid has already boiled off and they're still very firm. Once the potatoes begin to soften add the beans (if you're using them). I went with Flageolet because they keep their firmness but are a little floury. Also cos I like saying Flageolet. Flageolet. Anyway...

When the stock has really started to reduce down and the potatoes are nearly cooked heat up some olive oil in another frying pan over a relatively high heat. Chuck in the pork steaks and give them about a minute on each side. Now for the jam. For this I used a homemade apple and chilli jelly which is perfect for pork and made by my folks back in the shire. I have a feeling an apricot or victoria plum jelly would work quite well too. Whatever the case it needs to be light (no blackcurrants etc) and a jelly (no bits).

Spread about a teaspoon over each steak to glaze it. Turn it quickly to get it to cover both sides. You'll then need to unstick the pan. You can use water if you're a boring pussy (makes sure the pans really hot and chuck a splash in). Alternatively a splash of white wine will do the job a lot better and, if the pan is hot enough and you have a gas hob, you can give it a little flame which will have the added bonus of caramelising the sugar giving the steaks a nice tasty colour. 

mmmmm brown.

By this point the stock should have reduced off, the potatoes and beans should be cooked. They might begin to stick to the bottom of the pan a bit so you might need a spatula to unstick a few of them. But really you should have been keeping an eye on them. Dickhead. 

Serve it up. As you can see from the pictures I did it with cabbage and broccoli. Cos I had some in the fridge and it needed using. With the potatoes, beans etc it's probably filling enough that you don't need anything extra. Fatty. Try a salad.